A recent debacle of something that I thoroughly believed that I was good and passionate about, gave me enough time to self bash up my inner child. Perfectionist in me screamed in agony for all the wrongdoings. Yet it all felt wrong inward, all the hate towards self, was I justified?
Why do we set so high standards of self, especially in creative fields that a glimpse of failure sometime spreads like venom? Its plain suicidal. Why the need of approval from self; why the rank 1 syndrome! We see nothing but gloom when we fail, when the whole world has moved past the incident or worst dint even recognize the failure. Why doesnt forgiveness come easily to self when compared to forgiving others?
Dearth of self talk or attitude that it’s ok to fail and fall can make life tad bit miserable. And I have encountered people like me who are burdened by their standards, by the passion that they have; controlled life, vast ego. Times when you are blocked, flowing is the last thing that you see. Sheer success followed by empty periods of nothingness; when everything is better but you. True that this suit of perfection is sometime chains that shackle our ankles. All this feelings I let it flow, let it come to surface so that I have access to clean them, uproot them. I became one with melancholy.
Lost in these thoughts and in need of a perspective starkly different from the one I have now, I surfed through the internet. Like always answers come effortlessly, and the answer was this link (it will set the context if you watch the video to proceed to reading the post further) –
I jumped in sense of relief on watching this video; it was like burden lifted off my weary shoulders. Color flowed through my cheeks and life resumed to be normal after a long pause. Yes I need these nudges time to time, this prevents “Me“destroying “Me”.
Strive for excellence not for perfection is the answer right now. May be I will fail time and again, but what matters is that I will get up to try again. I will sign up for my work, I will be present and do my best; that’s all to it.