Speaking Tree

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tree

Absurd is what he thought when he first heard the idea from the old man in the park. How can a tree speak? Even if it does how can one hear it! Age has caught up with Mr.Subhash.

It’s been few weeks since he started interviewing people on what they thought “Happiness” was. Question which burnt him from within, he finally decided to hear it from others, his thousand voices in his head, dint do much justice.

I distinctly remembered things people told him, happiness to them was:

“Days when my child asks more food”: Shakunthal thai, who has a kid who was anorexic

“My first orgasm after 20 years in the profession”: Chanda, the prostitute

“When my grandchild made plans to watch a movie with me”: 80 years old uncle next door

“When you come home and smile at me”: My mom

“The day you don’t ask me money”: My ever sarcastic dad

“A breeze”: Wasim the Rikshaw puller

And the list goes on… but Mr.Subhash said when he listens to the speaking tree, I rubbished it first thinking he is talking about the popular spiritual write-up corner.  But when none of the things people said related to me and dint quench my search for happiness in my otherwise melancholic life,I decided to contact Mr.Subhash again, after all what will I lose?

Subhash uncle greeted me cheerfully and gave me a cup of filter coffee. And said: “I am so happy that you think my idea worthwhile, you can listen to Murali (tree) too! If you sit in front of him and pour your heart every single thing, every single day.

On Sunday morning I made way to Shasthri Park, and sat on the bench in front of the tree. Here are things I said:

“Hey Hi, I know this is absurd but I want to talk to you, I am an introvert, and I rarely talk but I listen; this is the first time I am here having one way conversation, Mr.Subhash says you respond, I want to believe it too, it will be fun thing to talk to you. You standing here for ages, you have seen many come and go, many like and unlike me! Errr I am budding writer or loser as my father calls me. (And many more sentences)”

I grew restless day by day as I never heard from Murali and kept pestering Mr. Subhash when it will happen, and he like a loving grandpa said the same thing, patience my boy, patience.  But for some strange reasons I felt lighter! And freer, and I caught myself having a conversation, full blown that too with a friend, and he eyed me with amazement and tinge of discomfort of not doing all talking. Talking to Murali became a ritual which I seldom missed. There was certain groove in my step, like someone is always there for me! I can finally express. I would come back and jot down my words with Murali and convert it into short stories. But my heart ached to listen what Murali has to say to me. Out of anguish I cried out to Murali “Do you even listen, am I fool?” and then there was a gentle breeze which hummed “I DO” and then I ran, ran like never before , tears of joy and disbelief.

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Beyond

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death

He saw everyone mourning for him! LOOKED sad! But why was he feeling the opposite? Why could not he relate to his “dear ones” who sat there crying next to his lifeless body; he had heard, read about this many times, soul floating above the body and witnessing, but he had never heard of joy! He smiled, giggled as he looked at wailing people, had he been alive it would have been so different, his heart would have winced in pain if his people shed tears.  But now he just witnessed, something was different! A lightness. He remembered how he had pestered his old grandma to come in his dreams after her death and tell him what it is to be dead; his favorite research topic: Death! He had painted this thought with lot of gloom and dark things throughout his life only to find the contrast now.

It is in death he understood what it is to be fully alive, beyond one’s own mind, to actually see without the physical eye! to not to be bound by breathe and most importantly the mundane. He spread himself throughout the hospital room, raced and pranced across naughtily, his trait when he was alive and now in death too. And suddenly he caught the eye of his lover, and for the first time he wept.

Wind chime

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wind

Latha couldn’t conceal her smile when she bought the beautiful wind chime! She loved it so much that she for the first time got out of the habit of bargaining and gleefully handed the full amount, much to the amazement of the shopkeeper.

Her house a dull yellow colored one with no name on it, just the number 176 staring at her and the guests! She wanted some music, some smiles and she thought this wind chime can bring it all to her otherwise dull existence.

And it was an auspicious day that she fixed it.  Her beachside house now suddenly looked to be humming with the breeze, and she thought she can gain friends, she put a chair in the veranda and sat there waiting. One by one tourist started approaching the house, to be confronted by her cold stares and one-word replies and rest is the history. Latha was dejected by the end of the day! She wondered why no one cared to become friends with her. The outer fixed, inner isn’t.

The Beloved

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Linga

Ancient is a mediocre word to describe this temple, “such grandiose and such elegance”, was all anyone could utter on seeing it.  Temple had a small sub Shiva temple, within it, it’s not so eloquent self, was not a bother, and in it perched, was a familiar persona for 3 decades: Krishnamachari, the head priest.

Shiva was the main attraction to anybody who visited the temple, as it exuberated a strange energy, which many would catch and notice. Krishnamachari spent lot of time ushering the people away from the Shiva temple as they somehow always stood there glued looking at the Linga. Thing that he was strangely proud of. He was not ashamed to admit to himself that it was his sanctum sanctorum more than the deity’s. His inner place, where he always sought refuge no matter what the situation was, he would emerge peaceful from it. Place where he dreamt, wept, smiled and at times giggled. His place! His home.

As they say not all good things last, little did he know that today was the last day as the priest in this temple, and he would be separated from his beloved forever?  Few days back there was a theft in the temple and all suspicions pointed towards Krishnamachari who was the only one who was present in the temple, during the unforeseen event. As fate had it, he was thrown out of temple, without any evidence of him being involved, a game which was played to please the ego of catching the thief for the sake of it. A sport!

What followed was desperate attempts to get back, to plead and finally beg to consider him not guilty, but everyone stood unfazed and he had to leave.  Nobody knows what happened to him after that as no one saw him. It was like he ceased to exist without his beloved.  And back in the temple, new priest was appointed with pomp and glory, but something looks to have changed, initially which was faint now turned out to be huge difference. Shiva lost his energy! His charm, he grew repulsive and devotees turned their backs, temple lost its charm. Or one can say Shiva ceased to exist without his beloved.

Begining

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Dear all,

I recently went through a TED talk which spoke about death, and i too have been going through it after i lost my all in one friend (soul mate, mentor) and have been contemplating a lot about it. Death changes things around, infact it will help us lead a better life!! more rich meaningful to make our time here count.

Reason why i am sharing this is, i felt you would understand! after watching the video, i made a list of things i would do before i die! and it kind of put things into perspective, this is not to create  fear or resentment but an opportunity to look at our lives in a healthy perspective. This can be our learning opportunity.

I would urge you to do the same, you can share it in the comment or write down in your diaries and contemplate on the list and create action plan.

My list:

I would want to travel the world  (tangible)
I would want to be able to receive and give love (intangible)

Here is the TED link; https://www.ted.com/talks/matthew_o_reilly_am_i_dying_the_honest_answer?utm_content=awesm-publisher&utm_medium=on.ted.com-facebook-share&awesm=on.ted.com_p087v&utm_source=direct-on.ted.com&utm_campaign=

Cheers to life,

Energy beings

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Here i was brooding about some heartbreak and i decided to practice intense self love and Reiki. Today in the morning while self healing, i had strange emotions. For the first time i realized whatever i was going through was my making, my thoughts, my frequencies; i created these experiences for myself.

That sudden thought got me thinking that, i can be free of these things if i take responsibility and move on to create and focus on creating better experiences for myself, thinking from a different frequency- love and compassion.

I felt that universe supports us in every ways to manifest our thoughts, so the idea is simple- CHANGE THE THOUGHTS. How many times have i not read such things, been advised but it took me so long to realize this simple thing! and also understood the word- Inner child, so well now. We are constantly spent on controlling the child within, that we seldom learn to let go or love! if there is so much fight within us, how can we think of cooperation from others!! (they deal with it too).

Result of all this- i felt compassionate towards others who have hurt me, as i am aware i created that behavior, that situation, i am not entirely powerless and naive. And not to forget, i am experiencing overwhelming compassion for myself- “If i knew better i would do better”.

I have begun to do things with alertness and add in little more love. I now know that if i create love now, it will be available to me in abundance.

Every feeling that i feel, every thought of mine if planted lovingly will reap better experiences and i can be free from patterns and not be a victim of my own doing.

I know i still have long way to go but i feel good that i have started. Life is looking simple to me. Theory is getting ready to be experienced.

beam
 
 
 
Thank you so much 

Who am I?

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tsunami

This question has never haunted me! I was always somebody’s daughter, lover, sister etc.  One can’t blame me as I dint feel it odd, I was happy with ego that was dependent on others ego. A people pleaser, dependent, clingy and what not. Among all these things I did have flashes of myself though- while I closed my eyes on a dance number, I was a dancer, when I sang, I was an ardent lover, devotee, when I wrote,  I felt light. But these small glimpses were not enough for me to make attempts to begin to ponder on the question. It never occurred. I was happy, or did I think I was.

When people spoke of maintaining an identity I couldn’t relate; I was drawn outwards, I loved being with other people, healing others, feeling good about their accomplishments, being a shoulder to others. I still do! It worked earlier.

Yesterday I met few people, total strangers and they went on and on about themselves, while I had no words about myself! Suddenly I felt like an alien to myself. I can’t explain that feeling when I dint have anything to say about self but just a blabber that made no sense. I suddenly felt as helpless as a child lost in a bazaar. I do not blame myself (first step to self-acceptance) my life was designed that way, or did I design it that way; I have no clue.  Here I was standing on the shores and Tsunami waves approaching me with speed and intensity and I couldn’t move! This question hit me hard.  I gasped for breath. I still am gasping. Everyone’s life is unique; no, I don’t envy others who have answered this question, for the first time attention is inward , only thought how do I answer it for myself; how do I win this battle, like many other battles that I have won alone. Focus, yardstick everything is me. I will take my time, now is the time.  No amount of advice, books would help, what’s the purpose if I am still looking for help outward; now the wisdom should spring within; should heal within.  The water from the waves has seeped in and is paving way, slowly but steadily; there will come a time when these waves will no longer scare me; and I will let my hair loose and look at it eye to eye.